


Who the F*!% Asked Them

by fuzzballsheltiepants



Series: A Mewment Like This [10]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Finding Nemo Reference, Law Student!Andrew, M/M, Ongoing bad text flirting, Translator!Neil, drug overdose mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 11:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18445445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzballsheltiepants/pseuds/fuzzballsheltiepants
Summary: Andrew is faced with the reality of his impending graduation, and all that comes with it.  A trip to the aquarium serves as a bit of a distraction, and an excuse to get to know Neil better.





	Who the F*!% Asked Them

**Author's Note:**

> Things get a bit more real in this one, which is why I upped the rating. Andrew thinks and talks a bit about Tilda's overdose. As always, thanks to Nicole @tntwme for the beta!

Andrew ignored the first buzz of his phone in his pocket and gripped the pole a little tighter.  At least nobody had noticed when the subway had made a hard sway and he had nearly toppled off his feet.  At some point in time he had to start getting more sleep. He could only sort of blame Neil; they hadn’t been out overly late, but his treacherous mind was always full of him after they saw each other.  Last night it had been that damn text, the one he’d left up on his screen. _Challenge accepted_.  

His phone buzzed again, and kept on buzzing.  Either a trolling call or Nicky, and he wouldn’t be lucky enough for it to be a troll call.  He tugged the phone out of his pocket and proved himself correct.

Nicky didn’t wait for a greeting he would never get.  “Did you seriously hook up with Neil?”

Of fucking course.  He knew it had gone too smoothly last night.  “Who?”

“Don’t do this to me, Andrew.  Neil. You know, gorgeous Neil with the calves and the eyes?  I saw you leave with him.”

A million different responses flitted through Andrew’s brain but he settled on stubborn silence.  He didn’t want to acknowledge the irritation that rippled under his skin at Nicky’s description. It wasn’t like Nicky was wrong; it wasn’t like he hadn’t heard him describe Neil in much more detailed ways over the past couple of months.  It wasn’t like Neil wanted or needed his protection.

“Fine,” Nicky went on after a pause.  “Be that way. But that’s who I’ve been trying to set you up with, so at least admit that I’ve got good taste.”

“I didn’t hook up with him.”  

Nicky snorted.  “You don’t need to lie to me.”

Andrew wouldn’t dignify that with a denial.  “Neil’s a...friend.” The word tasted odd on his tongue, even more so because maybe it was true.

“Right.  Because you have ‘friends’ who are hot guys.  Sure.”

“Are you seriously bothering me at eight o’clock in the morning because you’ve convinced yourself I’m fucking your gym buddy?”  A middle-aged woman with a large briefcase eyed him and he managed to keep himself from flipping her off. His flat stare seemed to do the job for him; she looked away and he tuned back in to Nicky.  

“...not why I’m calling.  It is the reason I didn’t call you last night, but according to you I wouldn’t have interrupted anything.”  Nicky hesitated for a moment, and Andrew wondered if he expected to be corrected. “Anyway, I was really calling because we need to talk about graduation and we never managed to last night.”

Andrew’s stomach made a painful twist that had nothing to do with the lurching of the subway car.  “What about it?”

“You’re graduating in like, six weeks.  You need to start planning, sending out invites, the whole nine yards.  What does that phrase even mean, anyway? The whole nine yards?”

“I’m not sending out invitations, Nicky.  Nobody’s going to come to watch me stand around in a black nylon tent for two hours.”

“Of course they will.  You know Erik and I will.  Renee. I bet Neil would love to come.”  Andrew could practically hear him batting his eyelashes through the phone.  “Is it football? Is that where that comes from?”

Andrew gritted his teeth.  “Then it would be ten yards.”  The train slowed down, and Andrew shifted, ready to get off.  “This is my stop.”

“Okay, but Andrew—”

He took the phone away from his ear and pressed End while Nicky was mid-sentence, then slipped through the doors and headed for the escalator.  One more week after today. One more week of reading about all the scumbags and predators, of listening to negotiations about charges, of preparing recommendations and somehow, strangely, being listened to.  By all rights he should have been invisible, a peon to do grunt work and nothing more. But that wasn’t the way this office seemed to work, and he thought he kind of hated it.

He managed to let himself get swallowed up by work until his lunch break.  When he finally took it, an hour late, he ran across the street to the little cafe to buy himself a break from the weight of the new case he was researching.  There seemed to be no end to the cruelties of people, though at least this one didn’t rub against his own scabbed-over wounds.

“Andrew.”  He almost jumped when that familiar voice called his name.  Renee was rarely in this part of town, but she greeted him with her usual gentle smile as she collected her food.  It was tempting to grab his order and bolt, but he had half an hour before he needed to be back and his brain was still too full of descriptions of bruises and broken bones.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was supposed to meet a friend, but she is stuck in a meeting.  I’d love it if you’d eat with me, if you have the time.”

Renee’s eyes were searching when he joined her at one of the small tables that lined the wall.  “How are you doing, Andrew?”

She knew he hated mundane pleasantries but insisted on them anyway.  He gritted his teeth before taking a bite of his sandwich. “I’m tired.”  

Renee read it as he meant it.  Not bodily fatigue, though that was present; more the exhaustion that comes from continuing on under the weight of the worst of humanity.  The same weariness settled in her eyes.

“I think…”  She took a long sip of her tea, something that smelled like flowers and sunshine.  “I think it’s sometimes hard to see the ways we’re helping, when all we look at is the beginning of the journey.”

“Read that in a fortune cookie?”

She laughed.  “Maybe. But really, Andrew, think about it.  You’re choosing a profession where you are going to have to deal with some terrible things.  But you have so much power to make it better, you know? People will be safer because of what you do, and that’s kind of amazing.  Even if you’ll never get to see the good side of it.”

Andrew’s sandwich turned leaden in his stomach.  He knew why he was doing this, why becoming a lawyer had been the only thing he had let himself want for over a decade.  Though now that he was almost there, it didn’t feel so much like wanting and more like some form of destiny he didn’t really believe in.  

Why did only the bad things feel real?  He had never really talked with Bee about that.  Mostly he floated along down the river of time, never touching the shore except when pain or terror or rage grounded him in the moment.  Sometimes—when he had walked across the stage with Aaron at graduation; when he was driving down country roads at double the speed limit, the car obeying his every thought; when he was with Neil—sometimes it was more like flying.  Half glorious, half terrifying, but more dream than reality.

Renee was watching him.  He wondered if she knew what this was like.  Maybe everyone did. Maybe everyone thought they were alone on that river, drifting past cities of people whose lives were more real than their own.  Maybe really the river was crowded, and the shore was the mirage. A headache started at the edges of his temples, and he reached for his mocha.

“Are you excited about graduation?” she asked, and he looked at her sharply.  She gazed back with knowing eyes. He wished they were at the gym, so he could channel all of this...this too-much into hitting something.  

He settled for, “Do I look excited?”

She cocked her head and wisely didn’t answer directly.  “Who are you inviting?”

“Not you too.”  He ground his teeth at her questioning look.  “Nicky was on my ass about this this morning. I don’t want to invite anyone, I don’t even want to go myself.”

“Andrew, you should do whatever you’re comfortable with.  But you have a lot of people who really care about you, whether you want to admit that or not.  It would be a bit of a gift to us, to be allowed to...” One finger played with the lid of her cup while she searched for words.  “To honor that milestone with you.”

He drained his cup and stood.  “I’ll see you Tuesday.”

“Of course.”

The afternoon crawled by, the words on the screen somehow not advancing no matter how long he stared at them.  He kept replaying Renee’s words, and Nicky’s. Graduation had seemed theoretical, a distant eventuality he would probably never reach.  But he was two externships away from it, and maybe it was time to start heading towards the shore.

He pulled out his phone and glanced at the text notifications, a bit surprised to see four from Neil.  

_Jean is acting weird. I think it’s my fault_

_What’s the point of those little purse dogs? They just sit there and vibrate_

_Some asshole lender microwaved fish for lunch and the whole office reeks_

_Jean bailed on Trivia Night on Sunday. It’s definitely my fault_

Shaking his head at his screen, he tapped out _The tiny dogs are receiving constant notifications from the mothership_

Three dots appeared, then _That makes sense. I wish they had a less shrill ringtone though_

Biting back a smile, he pulled up his notes and wrote out a list.   _Nicky Erik Renee Bee Neil._  He debated for a long moment, then typed in _Roland?_ Definitely not Chris or Jason.  His classmates were all going to be there, and they were all assholes anyway.

The names on the screen stared up at him.  Six names. The list seemed enormous to him, impossibly so; and yet, there was a gaping void that he wouldn’t let himself look at for fear of getting sucked in.

He shut off his phone and flipped it over.

*****

It was drizzling when Andrew left.  He hunched his shoulders against it and hurried his pace to the subway, but the damp somehow worked its way through him.  By the time he made it underground, he was almost shivering.

Running his hand through his hair was a mistake, he somehow ended up feeling wetter than before.  The subway was so crowded he had to tuck himself next to the door, but at least it was warm. His bed called to him, and he debated just going home, burying himself under the covers, and not emerging until morning.  

Halfway to his stop he pulled out his phone.  He almost put it away without turning it on; when he did there were more than half a dozen texts, almost all from Neil.

_Should I get King one of those electronic cat toys that moves or do you think she’d be scared?_

_Does Sir like those little mouse toys?_

_King peels hers and it’s creepy_

_What’s kpop?_

_Everyone at work is talking about it and I’m afraid to google it_

_Nevermind I googled it_

_I’m just glad it’s not porn_

Andrew snorted.  He had no idea why Neil had decided to start texting him stream of consciousness.  It made him want to see him, to study his different smiles and re-memorize his laugh.  To compare the different stories told by his eyes and his mouth, and figure out the truth.  

Neil’s stop approached, and Andrew almost got off.  But Neil was uncomfortable with unexpected visitors, and Andrew really did need to sleep.  He settled for calling him on his walk home.

“Hey,” Neil answered.  “Just get out of work? Does it count as work or school?”

“Yes, and it’s work.  I’m just paying to do it instead of getting paid.”

Neil huffed.  “That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry for spamming you with texts.  It was a slow day.”

“Your cat would be horrified if you got her one of those electronic toys.”

Neil hummed.  “Yeah, that’s what I figured.  Still, they’re kind of cool.”

“You need to work on your definition of cool.”  

“Hey now, you’re the one who bought your cat a fuzzy rainbow mousie.”

A smile pulled at Andrew’s lips, and he wondered when it started to become so easy.  “Don’t slander me, that was Nicky.” He drank in Neil’s laughter. “Why is Jean mad at you?”

“Hang on, I’m putting you on speaker.”  There was a pause, and a rustle of fabric.  Andrew tried not to imagine what was going on in that small apartment.  “Sorry, just got home from the gym and it’s freezing in my apartment. Anyway I don’t think he’s mad, exactly.”

“But…”

“But last night I asked him kind of a personal question, and I think I might have offended him.”

Recalling Neil’s unexpected revelations last night, Andrew couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath.  “Do I want to know?”

“I don’t know, it wasn’t that bad.  King, stop it. No, you can sit on me, just not…Ow.”

Andrew knew that dialogue all too well.  “She step on your balls?”

“Yeah, wearing sweatpants is always risky.”

“Imagine it with Sir.”

“Oh damn, yeah.  I guess I have that to look forward to?  Since I’m going to be feeding him?”

“Wear a cup.”

Neil laughed, and Andrew found himself smiling again.  That floating/flying sensation overtook him, and he let himself enjoy the swoop, the feel of his stomach in his throat.

“Anyway, what happened with Jean?”  Andrew tugged out his keys and let himself into the apartment building.

“Oh right.  Uh. I asked him if he was dating anyone.”

Andrew’s stomach crashed back into his abdomen.  “And that upset him?”

“I guess?  I mean, I made it clear I wasn’t asking him out.  I just…” There came a soft sigh. “I just wanted to talk to someone.”  It was barely a whisper, and Andrew didn’t know how to respond.

“Anyway,” Neil went on, in a more normal volume, “I don’t know why, but he seemed kind of sad after, and today he was even quieter than normal.”

“Maybe it’s got nothing to do with that.”  Or maybe he actually wanted you to ask him out.

“Maybe.”  

They were quiet for a moment as Andrew let himself into his apartment.  Sir’s head popped up over the back of the couch; he gave an ostentatious yawn and hopped off to saunter into the kitchen.  Andrew shed his shoes and damp coat and followed.

“When do you leave?” Neil asked.

“A week from tomorrow.”  

“That sucks.”  Neil didn’t elaborate on what, precisely, sucked, instead steering the conversation towards the weekend.  After a bit of back and forth, they settled on a plan for the next day, and Andrew hung up once again feeling like he was flying.

His phone buzzed as he was sitting down with his plate of leftovers.  He glanced at it and nearly dropped his fork at Nicky’s message.

_I should have said this when we were talking but I wimped out_

_You should invite Aaron_

The void yawned wider.

*****

The briny smell of the ocean felt like an assault.  Andrew barely noticed it elsewhere in the city, but here, with the snapping wind, it made his eyes water.  He blinked it away when he spotted Neil leaning on the rough wooden fence near the wharf. “I can’t believe you’ve never been here,” Neil greeted him.

Andrew shrugged.  “You’ve never been anywhere.”

Neil shook his head, a bit of a grim touch to his smile.  “I’ve been a lot of places. I’ve just never done much of the touristy stuff.”

They bought their tickets and headed towards the aquarium, Neil taking about three steps before making a hard left towards the seal exhibit.  One of the seals was swimming up near the glass, and Neil was drawn straight towards it. He crouched down for a better look, awe in his eyes.  Andrew pulled out his phone and surreptitiously snapped a photo of the two studying each other, nose to nose.

“Where?” Andrew asked when Neil had finally had his fill of the seals’ antics.

“Hmm?”

“You said you’ve been lots of places.”

“Oh.”  Pain flickered across his face, only to be immediately wiped away.  Andrew hated the smooth mask that settled after. “England, Germany, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Spain.  Um, spent a few months in China. Turkey. Saudi Arabia and Egypt. You’d think my Arabic would be better but.”  He shrugged, still staring unseeing out across the seal tank. “And then I’ve been all over the U.S. and southern Canada.”  His throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. “But it’s hard to do any sightseeing when you’re running all the time.”

Andrew had no idea what memories he had dredged up; he didn’t know why Neil had answered him honestly, when it would’ve been easy enough to lie.  But Andrew was certain that this was the truth. “Ask me something.”

Neil dragged his frozen gaze to Andrew’s face.  “What?” he asked, blinking away the fog in his eyes.

“Ask me something.  Anything.”

Squealing children ran between them, racing each other to where the friendliest seal was nosing along the glass.  Neil leaped backwards like he’d received an electric shock, then spun and headed into the aquarium proper, Andrew trailing him.  

They were silent as they wandered through the dimly lit building, pausing here and there to watch the tanks.  The center of the building contained an enormous cylinder, full of sharks and stingrays, coral and fish, all swimming through and around each other in an intricate dance.  It was lit from the top, several floors up, and the effect was almost eerily beautiful.

Neil drifted away, stopping before a deeply blue tank filled with sunset-colored jellyfish.  A small herd of children ran up, peered through the glass, then wheeled away in search of a different adventure, weary adults following in their wake.  

“Is that what normal parents do?” Neil asked quietly.  “Take their kids to the aquarium?”

Andrew shrugged.  “Some do, I guess.  I wouldn’t know.”

They followed the spiral floor up past the crowded penguin exhibit, watching the sharks go by in endless circles in the center tank.  Andrew felt his heart rate spike, watching the constant motion that went nowhere. The next floor contained a large tank with coral and small floppy pastel-rainbow fish that Andrew thought at first were fancy seahorses.  

“Seadragons,” Neil read off the sign.  “It seems like they should be bigger.”

“I wouldn’t judge based on size if I were you.”

Neil nudged him with his shoulder, and Andrew found he didn’t mind.  “You’re one to talk.”

“I’m not the one judging.”

This part of the aquarium was quieter, most of the noise and bustle taken up with the seals and penguins and the enormous center tank.  Andrew settled on a bench next to the seadragons, and Neil glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “I want to take my turn now.”

“Okay.”

“What was the big fight you had with your brother?”  Andrew blinked at him, and Neil turned back at the tank.  “Nicky said…”

Andrew tapped his fingertips lightly against his knees.  He’d left his cigarettes at home, not that he could smoke in here, but he longed for something to roll between his fingers.  “What did Nicky say?”

“Just that you two had a fight and haven’t spoken since you moved here.”

He wanted to lie.  He wanted to get up and walk away and never come back.  But he remembered the pain in Neil’s face as he listed off country after country and dug his nails into his palms.  “I told you how my mother died, yes?”

“Drug overdose.”

Andrew nodded, reaching deep into his chest to pull up the words.  “When it happened, I told Aaron that when I found her in the car I called nine one one right away.  He believed me, because why would I do anything else, right?”

There was something too knowing in Neil’s eyes.  It made Andrew want to shy away, so he took a deep breath and planted his feet more firmly on the floor.  “But you didn’t,” Neil guessed.

Andrew shook his head, remembering the sound of her shuddering gasps echoing in the small car, the glint of the syringe where it had fallen on the floorboards near her feet.  “The thing is, she was…” He didn’t know why the words were coated in glass, but they sliced him on the way out. “I was in foster care until I learned about Aaron. I ended up moving in with them, Aaron and Tilda.  She used to beat the shit out of him when she was high, then she’d give him drugs to quiet him down. I told her I’d kill her if she didn’t stop.”

“Did she?”

“For a while.”  For a while, it had seemed okay.  Aaron had been a trembling wreck, but he was stupidly grateful for Andrew’s protection.  For a while, it had seemed like Andrew might have the brother he had longed for, night after night, home after home.  Then it started up again. The image of Aaron in the bathroom, hiding his bruises with stolen makeup, was burned into Andrew’s retinas.

Neil was staring at the seadragons, face unreadable.  Not the mask of before, just—still. “I don’t blame you,” he said, after an endless minute.  “I don’t blame you at all.”

He looked at Andrew then, and the blackness in his expression was something Andrew had never seen outside of a mirror.  Electricity crackled, raising the hair on Andrew’s arms and sparking in his blood. He wondered what would happen if he closed the distance between them, if he reached up and cupped Neil’s jaw, if he—

Andrew got to his feet.  He needed to move, before he did something so utterly stupid and ruined this.  Something caught Neil’s attention, and he darted over to the enormous tank. Andrew saw it a split second later: an enormous sea turtle swimming along.  “Saw the whole thing, dude,” Andrew said in his best possible surfer voice. “First you were all like ‘whoa’, and we were like ‘whoa’, and you were like ‘whoa’.”

Neil looked at him with a crooked grin.  “That’s from that movie, right? The one with the fish?”

“Yes.  It’s from the movie with the fish.”

They kept following the spiral up, until they reached the top and could look down into the enormous tank from the top.  It looked like a documentary going on beneath their feet, and Andrew didn’t know how long they stood there, mesmerized by the captive world below.  

“How did Aaron find out?” Neil asked, breaking the silence.  “I’m guessing that’s why you guys got into a fight.”

A fight.  Andrew supposed that’s what it was, though to him a fight meant bruises and split knuckles, not poison spat in the form of words.  “I told him.”

He waited for the questions, but none came.  Neil nodded and looked back into the tank. All Andrew could think about was how things had changed after Tilda died. How Aaron had twisted her memory into a fiction so complete that no amount of truth could untangle it.  How Andrew had thought that they would both end up in foster care this time, how they had sworn to stand by each other until they had their degrees. How Nicky had come home to fight for them, to—to save them, Andrew supposed.  And how despite everything, despite shared promises and shared secrets, Aaron had sifted through his fingers like sand.

The mid-afternoon sun was a surprise after the darkness of the aquarium.  Neil tilted his head back, and Andrew watched the rays play across his scarred face.  They walked down the wharf, watching the seagulls flying back and forth, listening to their calls.  “Do you miss him?” Neil asked.

Bee had asked him the same thing, months ago.  At the time, he had said no. It was amazing how much lying to oneself could sound like truth.  Do you miss your reflection? Andrew shrugged, and Neil accepted it, as he always seemed to. They headed towards the subway shoulder to shoulder, making up stories about the animals they had seen as they walked.  Neil claimed the ray with the scarred fin was a magician, who let everyone out of the tanks at night to explore, and the staff never could figure out why the floor was wet every morning. Andrew countered with the seadragons as actual dragons, who guarded the little treasure chest in the tank by shooting boiling water at trespassers.

The subway was unusually empty for a Saturday afternoon.  Neil’s phone chimed, and he pulled it out to answer the text.  Andrew opened up the notes on his own and stared at the list he had made the day before.  When he put it back into his pocket, there was a seventh name at the bottom, five letters filling in the void.

_Aaron_

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, this one got scrapped and rewritten 3 times but here it is! I hope you enjoyed it, and comments and kudos are always appreciated. HMU [on Tumblr](https://fuzzballsheltiepants.tumblr.com) if you ever want to chat!


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